November 2009
3 posts
1 tag
“It’d have to be hard, but in like a wide way…”
– Sarah, trying to explain a questionable photograph
Relativity
Alessandra: Well, I wasn't that harsh. It was like my version of harsh.
Sarah: What?! That's like saying Hitler's version of rough.
“It’s like my blog fairytale!!!”
– Sarah
September 2009
2 posts
3 tags
“Put that on the blog.”
– Sarah and Alessandra about anything remotely funny
3 tags
“You should see some of these farms. Sometimes I look at them and think, ‘I...”
– Alessandra, on Farmville
July 2009
15 posts
1 tag
Zipster
Alessandra: Remember when we found out Zipster wasn't real?
Sarah: No. I don't even want to remember that. I want to keep living the lie.
Anu-isms
Sarah: Anu always says "out for the count."
Alessandra: I don't get that. Who's counting?
“Differentiating artists is a matter of the ratio between pleasuring the art and...”
– Sarah, drunk on the subway
“Even your hair on the shower wall is crazy.”
– Sarah to Alessandra
“You’re playing Solitaire, bare-breasted, in your driveway.”
– Alessandra stating the facts to Sarah
“Remember the mountain lion last night?”
– Sarah to Alessandra
“These people are coming from church- they can’t see my breasts.”
– Sarah to Alessandra in the car in front of St. Helena’s
“I’m going…”
– Alessandra
“I have like a million coupons to Rita’s. They think I have five kids.”
– Alessandra to Sarah on how she gets free ices
Doubtful
“Well, she’s in charge of it, so I’m tickled to see how far that goes…”
- Alessandra to Sarah
“(Slams off radio) Where would you want to be for Armaggedon?”
– Alessandra to Sarah in the car
“Ouch! Your Bump-It hurts!”
– Alessandra after Sarah dives head-first into her face
Chance Encounter on the Street
Sarah: (EXTREMELY flustered) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! I'm shaking- I can't breathe- oh my God. My hands are literally shaking. Oh my God!
Alessandra: (appalled, absolutely appalled) WHAT THE FUCK COULD'VE HAPPENED!?!?!
(both break out into a hytserical fit of laughter)
“I’m on my way to get Chili’s To-Go because I had a dream about it.”
– Text from Alessandra to Sarah
Alessandra's VMs to Sarah
VOICEMAIL #1
“You’re not gonna believe this shit. He wants me to call him. (five minutes of description…) So I don’t know what to do, do I call him? I know if I call him, I’ll rip his mother fucking head off because you know, you know Sarah, I can’t let him win this one. You know me. You know how I am…[sigh]… So what do I do? Do I call him or not? I...
June 2009
26 posts
Post-Massive Green Tea Spill
Alessandra: Fuck! This is my third pair of pants today.
Sarah: I'm not even going to ask.
“I forgot to tell you- you were talking about penises in your sleep last night.”
– Sarah to Alessandra
“If I slept twice as much as I already do I’d never be awake.”
– Sarah
Misunderstanding
Sarah: This just went from being so innocent to not.
Alessandra: Who’s Spanish?
“I love to watch you watch things.”
– Alessandra to Sarah while Skyping
“What kind of person wouldn’t want to smoke out of a bowl?”
– Alessandra
Alessandra: “How the hell do computers work?”
Sarah: “I have no idea. How does the internet get to us? Is it in the air? I’m always afraid of sitting on it.”
Sarah: (Extended silence over the phone)
Alessandra: Did you take a fucking ambien?
Sarah: …yes
Alessandra: GOODBYE.
“I wish I could remember his dick.”
– Alessandra
“IT’S A REACTION.”
– Juniper in textual response as to why she always hangs up on Alessandra.
“It’s like the real Titanic!”
– Kerri McNeill, Voice of Metuchen
“…and that’s just my bike light!”
– Weird man in Metuchen driving his bike down the street at 2 a.m. to Alessandra, Sarah, and Tom
“Who is he? Homer?”
– Alessandra, after reading epic wall posts from one of Sarah’s former suitors
“How was that clever? Who wants to think of a yule log in July?”
– Alessandra shooting down a comment of Sarah’s
“That was ridiculous on so many levels. Why was there a bucket of nail polish? In...”
– Sarah to Alessandra after face-planting
“Carlos is the little one!”
– Carlos’ mother
“That’s a large truck for such a little Mexican.”
– Alessandra to Sarah watching the McDonald’s drive-thru lady
John: Sarah, I love you, say good morning.
Sarah: Good Morning, John.
“I want those. Do you think I’ll get one? Why is she giving it to them?...”
– Sarah to Alessandra, while an elderly African American lady walks around the train doling out sour gummi worms to African American children that were sitting all around.
“Do I look crazy?”
– Alessandra, after frenetically struggling to apply make-up in the dark and whipping around to look at Sarah in COMPLETE frustration.
YouTube Browsing
Sarah: "Baby Fart Remix looks good."
Alessandra: "I've seen that."
“There is NO way i’m going to be able to be down in SoHo in three minutes....”
– Sarah, Summer ‘08
“Don’t Say Ass.”
– Alessandra to Sarah
“They’re like beavers on parade.”
– Alessandra on what it feels like driving through Iselin.
“Basically I’m apologizing to you for lying about knowing what the fuck you...”
– Sarah to Alessandra, Summer 07